I wish that I could say that my response to God’s call had always been “Here am I. Send me.” Unfortunately, it has often been just the opposite. For as long as I can remember, God’s call has been present. Though it took nearly thirty-five years for me to answer, I now look back on my life and see how God’s guiding hand has brought me to this place, where I can say without reservation, just as Isaiah did, “Here am I. Send Me!”
My family first saw the evidence of God’s call when I was a small child, much of which I cannot even remember. As a small child, my Grandparents and I shared many Sunday mornings together, and while they rarely attended church, they never missed an opportunity to watch Adrian Rogers’ Sunday morning service on television. As soon as he was finished, I would set up a TV tray and “preach” to anyone who would listen.
A decision by my parents, during my adolescent years, began what I considered a great difficulty. In the winter of ‘81 when I was eleven, my mother and stepfather moved us from Memphis, Tennessee to Batesville, Mississippi where we began attending a fundamental holiness church. While that alone may not be a bad thing, for an eleven-year-old boy that could barely remember the last time he was in a church, three-hour worship services, four days a week can be something of a shock. This began a struggle with my parents that lasted through my teen years where I tried to balance pleasing my family and determining for myself what it meant to please God.
As a young adult, on my own, I continued to struggle with what it meant to please God and often questioned whether we could ever really know that God existed. This search for the reality of God eventually led my wife and me through the doors of Courtland United Methodist Church, where the love we felt assured us that we were home. As I began to study Wesleyan theology and the polity of the United Methodist church, I became more and more convinced that God had indeed led me to a place where my faith and belief could find true expression.
Most of my life has been like so many others. My wife and I have been married nineteen years. We have two wonderful children, who remind us everyday who God is. The journey has not always been easy and at times, I did not even recognize it as a journey at all. There have been times in my life when I was sure that in the face of my persistent refusal, God had given up and would let me live my life the way I wanted to, but thank God, that in spite of my protests, God has been ever faithful.
Just when I thought that I had reached a place in life where I could be comfortable, a wonderful family, a good career, God’s call began to echo within my heart, just a little louder. “Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?” There is only one answer that fills my mind, “Here am I, send me!”
Above all, my goal is to serve God wherever God’s call may lead. While I may not yet fully understand where that call will lead me, I am certain that God has called me to serve within The United Methodist Church – appreciating all that it is and rejoicing in the hope of all it can be. I cherish my role as pastor in the local church as I seek to discover new ways in which to express “theology” as relative to our society, and gaining new perspective on our lives as Christians. The opportunity to journey with fellow travelers who share a commitment to the quest for God’s revealed knowledge and wisdom is precious.
Seeking to understand God and each other draws us nearer to our creator and one another, because understanding is essential in the development of any relationship. My wife and I have been married nineteen years, and each day brings me new insight into who she is and what my response as her husband should be. In the same way that my love and appreciation for her grows through understanding, through understanding, we grow to love and appreciate God and each other even more. Participating with others seeking to “know” God in a meaningful way, seeing the expressions of God’s grace in their lives, and seeing God from their perspective has a profound impact on my spiritual growth and enables me to fulfill my duties as pastor with a glad heart.
As I continue to grow spiritually, I become increasingly aware of how vitally important it is that we as Christians find ways to express our faith in meaningful ways. If we retreat into our own world of self-centeredness and personal indulgence, how then do our faith-expressions maintain consistency with the truth of the Gospel message? How can we speak to our sisters and brothers of God’s sustaining grace, when all they see is our vain attempt to sustain ourselves?
While completing the requirements necessary for ordination in the UMC will be noteworthy, it is however, only a small aspect of my ministry. It is my hope, throughout my time of service in The United Methodist Church, to offer without hesitation my prayers, my presence, my gifts, my service, and my witness. I hope to continue finding new ways to express my faith, to continue exploring varied perspectives on social and theological issues, and to continue to explore effective ways to use my gifts and talents while assisting others also seeking to discover the reality of God in their own lives.